While trying to decide the subject of this blog post, I was distracted by Zeke, my new pet fish, splashing at the top of the Lipton Sun Tea jar he now calls home. A friend gave Zeke to me because he said things just weren’t working out between Zeke and his aquarium-mates. Apparently Zeke would chase the other fish and gnaw on their fins, resulting in several casualties.

As I watched Zeke swim around alone in his tank, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the little guy.

Earlier tonight, I read an article on Relevant magazine’s website called, “The High Cost of Friendship.” In it, writer Seth Hurd talks about the death of his close friend and uses the experience to illustrate the pain inevitable in pursuing real relationships with other people.

“Everything in life costs us something—in time, money, energy, love or emotion. Friends, real know-you-down-to-your-soul friends, come at a high cost,” Hurd writes. “True friendship demands vulnerability. It requires that you rearrange your schedule, and intentionally plan time to spend with other people with no agenda.”

As I read this, I found myself thinking about a couple verses that have been on my mind this week:

2 Corinthians 4:11-12
“For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.”

Jesus died so that we might live. If we are to be more like Christ, what does this mean for us? It means dying to ourselves—our comforts, our expectations, our ambitions—so that others might live. It’s our deaths for their lives.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that getting involved in other people’s lives is painful, messy, and frustrating at times. When you let someone enter your life, you run the risk of also inviting in a wealth of needs, burdens, and past hurts.

But it’s worth the risk. I wouldn’t trade the friendships I’ve made for anything. I have real men in my life who hold me accountable, who share my joys and sorrows, and who I know I’ll be able to count on for the rest of my life. And I’ve had the opportunity to see people’s lives totally transformed through hearing the message of the gospel and through seeing the way we love each other.

Yes, there may be a high cost of real friendship, but it’s one of the best investments you’ll ever make. Having a my-death-for-your-life attitude toward others won’t be easy, but I’m convinced it’s the only way real relationships are formed.

Consider for a moment the alternative way to do friendship: your-death-for-my-life. It’s the path Zeke chose, and look where he ended up.