I’ve spent the last two months, maybe longer, telling God I refuse to trust him.

So many things in my life seemed to be the opposite of how I wanted them to go. Then I’d pray and try to trust God and things would get worse.

Waiting on the Lord didn’t turn into getting what I wanted, but more waiting. Trusting that God was good in bad circumstances didn’t allow me to eventually get free of my situation, but rather have all exits and escape routes closed in my face. Believing that God would bring someone into my life that would come to know him and follow him, rather than come around for a few months and then question and slander everything I’ve done to try and love them… well, that didn’t turn out like I hoped either.

And so I looked up at God and said very plainly, “This time I’m not trusting you. You better just change my life and answer these prayers. How long does someone have to pray and get spit on and ignored and rebuked before you decide the time is sufficient?”

I walked around one night and thought about leaving my friends and my church, or at least maybe stepping down from leadership. But as Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

Then before work last Monday, I was reading in 1 Peter and was brought to tears and repentance and dumbfoundedness. Especially by, “…all kinds of…” and, “…though you do not see him now…” Anyway here is the verse that changed my life all over again.

1 Peter 1:6-9
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.