We all face big decisions—what to do for a living, who to marry, which car freshener to pick. These are big decisions because jobs, wives, and even car scents determine how successful we are. Yeah, we’re that shallow.
That’s because how successful we are hinges on what people think of us. And like a relationship, committing to a freshener is no easy task. Before we can even think about scents, there are limitless brands to consider—Auto Expressions, Island Adventures, Little Trees, Yankee Candles.
“Old white ladies buy that Yankee stuff,” says Ronsson, 24, an employee at Advanced Auto Parts in central Des Moines.
So the candles are out—unless you’re trying to impress that old blue hair at your weekly bingo tournament.
Once we pick a brand—let’s say Little Trees because they’re the best buy—it’s time for fragrance. Ronsson says Black Ice is the best seller at Advanced—and his personal favorite. “Nothing but Black Ice. That’s all I run,” he says. “People who pick Black Ice, they’ve got good taste. That’s all I can say.”
But running Black Ice, or any other scent for that matter, is more than just a matter of taste. Here’s what your car freshener choice says about you:
Black Ice: According to the Little Trees Web site—and our scent stud Ronsson—this fragrance says, “I’m dangerous and stylin’.” In reality, it smells like a guy who’s just doused himself in way too much cologne. Sorry Ron.
Vanilla Pride: Choose this one if you want to tack 40 years onto your age instantly. Not only is it patterned with an American flag, but it’s scented like old-fashioned vanilla.
Leather: If you pick this one, you might as well give up on life. According to Little Trees, Leather says, “I’ll upgrade your ride instantly.” Really, it’s like upgrading with a bumper sticker that says. “Honk if you’ll date me.” I prefer Ron’s advice: “Just go for the leather interior.”
Gold Essence: This is part of the Little Trees Designer Series. But if you’re looking for karats in car fresheners, you’re compensating for something. It sends the same message as picking New Car Scent and hanging it in your ’94 Honda.
Mossy Oak: Anything camouflage is just a bad idea. (Unless, of course, you find yourself 30 miles north of Baghdad or driving a pre-owned panzer.) This camouflage freshener is no exception. You won’t be hiding anything—other than your bad taste and a false sense of bravado.
Bottom line: Make sure you’re well informed before making any major car scent decisions. Maybe try a few before committing to just one. And remember, as long as your car doesn’t smell like a Big Mac died under the passenger seat, it’s OK to go without. It may even be simpler that way. I hear marriage is like that, too.
