When I first started following Jesus I was flat-out desperately in love with him. It wasn’t difficult to feel a love from my heart when his grace was so immediate, overwhelming, and powerful. But as time has gone on and the emotional high from my salvation has worn off, having a relationship with the Lord has become more difficult and even downright painful as he continues to work at my habitual sins.

This may sound childish on my part, but I have to admit there have been moments where I wished I could have run away from everyone and everything instead of facing up to wrongs I commit. I’ve wanted to run from God who I’m so desperately in love with and loved by just because I was feeling hurt for a little while. Instead of yielding to his grace and letting the Lord change me, my selfish heart wants to reject it all.

This is why the first commandment—to love with your heart, soul, and mind—is crucial to me. Surprise, surprise: My heart doesn’t always feel love. But in my mind I know without a doubt that the Lord is faithful and true and that his promises are fixed forever. When my heart wants to run my mind knows the Lord is working things for good and that, when I trust in him and not my fickle feelings, my heart will turn around and come back.