Penance: Voluntary self-punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance for having done wrong. 

Last Saturday I sat in a coffee shop, discouraged. I had an icky feeling in my stomach. I felt like a failure and I didn’t want grace. I felt trapped. I didn’t want to believe what was true, I didn’t even want to hear what was true. I wanted to feel like a failure—I wanted to feel bad enough so that I knew I really was low enough to deserve forgiveness.

I knew my attitude was wrong. I knew that I was trying to pay my penance. I knew that grace was available, but I was unwilling to accept.

But the Lord brought me to Psalm 103, and I was reminded to remember all of the Lord’s benefits:

 -God has forgiven all of my sin…and he redeemed me. He compensated for my mistakes, my blatant rebellion, my distrust, my pride. All of it has been taken care of. There is actually nothing I can do to reverse this.

-God crowns me with steadfast love and compassion. I have become royalty as a result of God’s love for me. He is sympathetic to my circumstances, even to my shortcomings. He loves me with the mercy of a loving father. He loves me when I feel unlovable.

-God satisfies me with good. Even when I don’t have what I want, God in his character, can satisfy me. Through Christ, I have the ability to be content in any circumstance. He promises satisfaction.

-God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him.

When I am choosing to live in penance, I am not choosing to live in God’s grace. God doesn’t deal with us the way my sin deserves to be paid. No, God is gracious, merciful, and abounding in steadfast love.

As far as east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgression from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 103:12-13

I spent a few hours really wrestling with the truth of God’s love. I really wanted to resist it. But when I thought about my friend who I desire to be in a relationship with God so badly, I knew it had to be true for me. If Jesus love was true for my friend, then I knew that I had to be an example to her and humbly accept his grace.